Author Archives: Stephen Leonard

About Stephen Leonard

President & CEO {Leonard Group, Lisa Leonard Designs, Leonard Lane, Leonard Craft Co}, entrepreneur, pastor, husband, dad. Living at the intersection of faith, family, and public life.

You Are Not Alone

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Talking with people recently I’ve heard a theme. It keeps popping up. I heard it in the call with my friend about his marriage. I’ve seen it on Facebook. It came out in a friend’s email about making scarey changes in her life this year. We’re all struggling. We’re tempted to feel alone.

I feel it at times. Making resolutions, pursuing dreams, investing in others–these things are risky and vulnerable. It’s easy to think people won’t understand. It’s tempting to dismiss our loved ones by putting words in their mouths without ever talking. It’s simpler to keep to myself than to let you in.

I have voices that tell me I can’t do it. I have voices that tease me. I have voices that tell me no one cares. I bet you do too. It’s opposition. It’s fear. It’s sin and the devil. It’s resistance. It’s a pack of lies. The lies may be your own that you tell yourself so you can avoid success. The lies might be from someone else to “protect you from failure.” But they’re lies.

Whether you are struggling in your career, in your marriage, with your finances, your health, your relationships, or any other area, you are not alone. Others share your struggle and others will root for you. Let them. And lean into the struggle.

Waiting

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What do you do when you have to wait? Our son Matthias has grown up waiting. When your brother has special needs, it’s part of the package.

Matthias has grown up in a story that is inextricably linked to his brother. He has spend too many hours in doctor’s offices waiting for David’s appointments. Waiting with us for results. Waiting to proceed to the next waiting room. He’s listened patiently to the story of David’s birth and the way that has shaped Lisa and I over and over again.

In spite of the waiting—maybe because of it—Matthias lives a life that redeems time.

He is an artist. He’s drawn for as long as I can remember. He spends so many of the hours waiting coming up with ideas and drawing. He’s the first in our family to publish a book. OK, it was self-published, but still!

A couple years ago he decided to make a book for Lisa for Mother’s Day. He created a Superhero A-Z book. For each letter of the alphabet, there are three superheroes. Drawn. Colored. Named. Original superheroes. Each has their own backstory. I remember him working on it in waiting rooms and hospital cafeterias. He had nights sitting awake in bed working to meet his deadline.

“Dad, I’m really worried that I won’t finish in time. I have so much work to do to finish for mom.” He told me night after night as I put him to bed.

“It’s OK kiddo. just keep working on it a little at a time. I think mom will understand if you don’t quite make it.” I said. (His first big project and I was already teaching him to blow off deadlines! What a terrible father!)

Matthias turns 10 today. He is creative. He is imaginative. He is dedicated to his art. He thinks, he draws, he writes. Every day. Everywhere we go, he’s got his bag with paper, pencils and pens at the ready just in case he has to wait—he’s ready. He is loving. His book for Lisa was a work of love. He loves his brother—even looking for him at school (they inhabit afferent parts of campus), and being protective of him with other kids. He is sensitive. He cares about the people in his life. He is kind and respectful and knows how to talk with adults.

I am proud that Matthias is my son. I celebrate his step into double digits toward the pre-teen years even as I grieve the loss of our little boy. I can’t wait to see the man he will become. Happy birthday Matthias.

How to Face Adversity and Find Joy (Sort of)

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“How do you do it all? I can’t imagine what it must be like to have a child with special needs.” People say things like this to Lisa and I a lot. Having a child with special needs—our son David has Cornelia de Lange Syndrome—has taught me a lot about myself and the world. The truth is, I “do it” through a fair amount of complaining. I’m a complainer.

I used to think that when Lisa tells me not to complain, she’s just being Pollyanna about the world. I grew up with a British mom, around British adopted family, and have always loved spending time with my British relatives. One of our favorite pastimes is what my cousin calls “moaning.” Actually, he says it’s the British pastime—like baseball in the U.S. This is one reason I feel like I’m with my people when I visit England.

Most of my friends (when I say ‘most’ you should read ‘all,’ I just say ‘most’ because that sounds more credible—you’re not supposed to use allness statements) have confronted me about my complaining. I remember as a freshman at Biola University going across the street to play Frisbee golf. I was hot, stressed out and annoyed. I guess I didn’t keep it to myself because my buddies taunted me singing “I have joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart!” It did not make me feel joy.

There was also the youth leader when I was in high school. It was day 4 of my first Mexico mission trip. He was always upbeat and encouraging—I liked that about him. One day I was going on about how tired I was and I didn’t think it was fair that another team got showers and we didn’t. He just looked at me and said, “Steve, can you just STOP complaining for five minutes!?” (I think that was the first time someone called me out for complaining.)

Then there was my college girlfriend I wanted to marry. She broke up with me because I complain too much. She spent one miserable Fourth of July with me and my family and that was it. “Those fireworks were awful.” “Those people don’t know what they’re doing.” “And there were so many people.” It was bad enough to hear me do it, but hearing that I’m from a family of complainers made her see the problem was systemic. That was that.

None of that was enough for me though. All that happened years before the Sting concert I attended with my wife Lisa, her sister and my brother-in-law. From my perspective we were too far back from the stage (I’ve “seen” Sting in concert, but he was the size of an ant. They realistically could have put any guy on the stage and just played his CD’s.), the seating was uncomfortable, the food was no good, and I got to such a bad place I couldn’t pull myself out of it.

“Why can’t you just make the best of it and have fun?” Lisa asked.

“That’s totally bogus! You know it sucks. Why can’t you just say so?” I replied.

“Why do you have to be so miserable and ruin it for everyone else?” She asked again.

“What do you want me to do? LIE?! When something sucks, you say it. That’s part of it.” I said.

It’s fair to say I didn’t make myself popular as a brother-in-law that night. Or as a husband. No one was very happy with me and I just went away smugly justified that I was the only one who could see we got ripped off. I still didn’t get it.

Here’s the thing. No one likes a complainer. Not even the complainer himself. As I think about the years Lisa has put up with me and my complaining, I can’t believe she’s still married to me.

It’s funny, but this is one area of my life the Lord has confronted over the years through having a child with Cornelia de Lange Syndrome. David has CdLS. It’s not going away. It sucks. There are times, days even, when I feel ripped off. When I feel he’s been ripped off. When I feel Matthias has been ripped off. When I feel like Lisa has been robbed. Sometimes I feel like I’m going to lose it if I hear David scream any longer with GI issues. But CdLS isn’t going away. It’s not the way it’s supposed to be, but it’s the way it is. The only thing we can do in the midst of it is do our best to dignify and love David. We have to soak up his precious smile, his rolling belly laugh when he gets silly. We have to celebrate seeing him intentionally dribble a soccer ball while holding my hand. We rejoice at things like bowel movements because it means everything’s working and he’ll have a better day.

These moments point to the brokenness of the world. There’s a lot to complain about. God made the world one way, but we’ve made it another. (I always puzzle at people puzzling at “How could a loving God let bad things happen?” As if God screws up the world instead of us!) But God is redeeming and restoring the world through his son. One day, we’ll be able to listen to concerts close to the performer. The food will be great. One day the fireworks will be fantastic and we’ll have great seats for that too. One day David won’t have CdLS and his tummy won’t hurt anymore. We’ll talk with our son in a way we can’t now.

If that’s the story we live in, why not make the best of it now?

Seven Men and the Secret of Their Greatness

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Do you seek out examples for your life? 2013 renewed my desire to read biographies and find worthy examples from whom to learn. It’s easy to see great men and women and to think, “I could never do something like that. I don’t have the…education, money, intelligence, connections, skills…that they have.” One of my great take-a-ways from the book Mindset this year (see my post here) is that we have a choice when we see examples of success—we can feel threatened by them, or we can find lessons and inspiration from them.

I’ve read biographies for many years to learn from great people of the past and present. This year, I began to engage with them afresh to learn from people who made a significant difference in the world—especially because of and for the sake of the gospel.

I closed out the year reading the excellent Seven Men and the Secret of Their Greatness by Eric Metaxas. I read Metaxas’s biography on Dietrich Bonhoeffer in 2012 and loved it. When I saw this quick character study on these seven men, I knew it would be a great read and that Metaxas would handle these men in a way that showed what made them great—including their humanity and flaws. I was not disappointed. I commend the book especially for men and dads of boys looking for worthy models for themselves and their sons to follow. These seven men were great in the history of the world and were driven by their understanding of God’s grace in their lives. Consider these brief highlights:

George Washington—An ambitious, even arrogant young man who sought the highest possible leadership roles. But, the only man in history to lay aside his power after conquering the superpower of his day.

William Wilberforce—A self-centered, self-aggrandizing politician who schmoozed his way into high position in the British Parliament. After coming to faith, he campaigned for decades for the abolition of the slave trade in England, France, Spain and the Americas, the abolition of slavery in Engalnd, the fair treatment of animals (in the 1700’s people!), the dignity of workers and more.

Eric Liddell—Famous for his refusal to run the Olympics on the Sabbath because of his faith, Liddell showed his faith more profoundly by looking after the children in a concentration camp while a missionary in China. He died in their service.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer—The genius German theologian who saw the German’s treatment of the Jews in WWII through the lens of the racial segregation in America. Pastor Bonhoeffer was executed for his role in the Valkerie plot to kill Hitler.

Jackie Robinson—The talented athlete whose record of standing up to racial injustice and stats won him a place on Branch Ricky’s Brooklyn Dodgers to break the color barrier in baseball. Robinson and Ricky took Jesus at his word, “To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either.”

Pope John Paul II—A poor Polish kid, Karol Wojtyla, who grew up in the shadow of Hitler’s Germany and quietly rose in the ranks of the Roman Catholic Church by resisting communism’s , investing in teenagers, writing theological treatises on sex, and human dignity. Wojtyla, unexpectedly elected Pope, became one of the 20^th century’s most well-known advocates for the oppressed, reconciliation between religious groups, and personal devotion to the Lord.

Charles W. Colson—The power-hungry and ruthless special counsel to President Nixon who was arrested and imprisoned for his significant role in the Watergate scandal that took down the President of the United States. On meeting Jesus (just prior to his imprisonment), Colson realized that his life was to be given in the service of his fellow inmates—proclaiming to the gospel and equipping them to live it out behind bars. Even developing robust worldview resources to reach people before they had committed their crimes.

I am thankful for Metaxas’s work in bringing these heroes to life. In our day, we need realistic portraits of heroes for ourselves and for our children. I plan to share these stories with David and Matthias in the days ahead that they might have real life examples of those who lived out a deep understanding of God’s grace and his redemption of His world.

Question: What have you read in the past year that inspired you?

Do You Struggle to Pray?

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I struggle to pray. Even when I do pray, I often find myself easily distracted and struggling to believe God really hears me. Feeling anxious at work, I pray and it comes out something like, “God…ugh…you know the situation…help.” Seeking the Lord’s direction for my life sometimes amounts to, “I don’t even know where to start Lord…please lead me.” Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t every prayer, but the more anxious, tired, or overwhelmed I am, the harder prayer becomes.

Because of this, the conclusion of the letter 1 John recently grabbed my attention afresh. Here the apostle recites his purpose in writing—that those who believe will know they have eternal life. The result? That we’ll know the Lord hears us when we pray, “And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.” (1 John 5:14-15) Confidence. That the Lord hears. We have our requests. So, what does it look like to live and pray like this is true?

Interestingly, Jesus utters these same words in prayer in John 11. The setting? His friend Lazarus has died and Jesus thanks the Father that He always hears him, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me…” (John 11:41-42). Then Jesus calls Lazarus forth from the grave—resurrection from death to life. Confidence. That the Lord hears. Jesus has his request.

Jesus was confident his Father was listening and would hear him. Jesus knew he had his request—Lazarus resurrected to life. Jesus knew he could depend on the Father to empower him in carrying out his calling. It meant he could be bold and demonstrate his trust in God without fear. It’s too easy to look at Jesus and the way he lived his life and dismiss what he did because he’s God. But consider this: Jesus didn’t raise Lazarus from the dead. God the Father did. Jesus prayed. In confident dependence, Jesus asked for God to raise Lazarus. Because God hears Jesus, He did it.

Doesn’t this beg the question, what would our prayers be like if we truly believed that God the Father heard us? What if we took God at His Word in 1 John 5:14-15.

What would be different about my praying if I had Jesus’ confidence that the Father hears me?

The content of my prayers would likely change. Jesus’ prayer for Lazarus’ resurrection was to reveal the presence of the Kingdom of God in Jesus as the source of true life.

The motive of my prayers would also change. Jesus’ prayer was to glorify God by showing the Father sent him, not to show off his power to raise people from the dead.

Indeed, the shape of my life would change. Jesus prayed this way because he knew the Father always heard him. This is simply one example of the depth of Jesus’ relationship with the Father.

Confidence. That the Lord hears. We have our requests. That, John tells us, is a result of knowing we have eternal life in Him. This year, I want to live into that truth.

Question: What do you find challenging about prayer?

What’s Your Mindset?

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Mindset: The New Psychology of Success

Can you change your abilities? Consider these questions:

Can you change your intelligence?
Can you change the kind of person you are (personality)?
Can you change your talents?

Most of us have been taught to believe we cannot change our Intelligence, personality, or talents. As a result, we either:

Live under the burden of proving our abilities. OR
Give up before we ever try.

The book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D Professor of Psychology at Stanford University (formerly Colombia and Harvard—in other words, she knows her stuff!) challenges us to reconsider. Dweck’s research shows that our intelligence, personality, talents are not fixed; rather, we can grow our abilities. The issue is not ABILITY, but MINDSET. A friend of mine recommended this book to me this past year. As one of the most helpful books I’ve read this year, I wanted share it with you.

Mindset is our beliefs about our abilities. Dweck identifies two mindsets that we adopt.

People with a fixed mindset believe their basic qualities— intelligence, personality, talents —are fixed traits. They document their intelligence or talent instead of developing them. They believe that talent alone creates success. They’re wrong.

People with a growth mindset believe their abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work. Brains and talent are the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment. Virtually all great people have had these qualities.

The issue is the story we tell ourselves. The fixed mindset story focuses on judging. When faced with challenges and obstacles, the fixed mindset says, “This means I’m a loser,” or “This means I’m a bad husband.” or in the face of success it says, “This means I’m a better person than they are.” “This means my partner is selfish.” The result is either not to try at all (Don’t do it. Don’t take a risk), or only to try when you know you’ll win (You have to win. Prove yourself. Everything depends on it.).

The growth mindset story focuses on learning and constructive action. When faced with challenges and obstacles, or even successes, the growth mindset says, “What can I learn from this?” “How can I improve?” “How can I help my partner do this better?” (Go for it. Learn. Improve. Pursue your dream.)

For many of us, this is the time of year when we start thinking about next year and our hopes and dreams and goals. Your mindset will play a major role in the way you envision and plan for the year ahead.

After reading Mindset this year, I have decided to risk and grow in a few specific areas.

I started a blog
I have sought coaching in my leadership and life
I am trying to grow as a write and speaker

I have decided to grow. I invite you to join me. Buy Mindset and read it this year. Then identify some areas of growth and risk for you!

What opportunities do you have for learning and growth this year? Share your thoughts and lets inspire one another!

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Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Today I Write

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Today I’m writing because I committed to writing. Today I’m writing because I want to do this for real. Today I’m writing because I can’t let a day like to day go by without putting words on a page. I’ve read too many things lately about fear, resistance and the willingness NOT to write.

I’m tired of avoiding what I really want to do. I’m tired of being a victim of my willing lack of effort. I’m tired of giving in and giving up.

Today, I’m at my computer putting words down on the page so that It (fear, resistance, victimhood) don’t get me. Maybe it will inspire you to do the thing you’re avoiding. Maybe not.

Either way, today, I write, because I committed to writing.

The Secret to Learning Like Bill Gates

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Bill Gates’s Mobile Library

Leaders are readers. I don’t know who said it, but I believe it. I recently heard that that the typical college grad doesn’t read another book after graduating from college (the number may be as high as 80%). The most recent edition of Wired Magazine, edited by Bill Gates and Bill Clinton featured a picture of Gates’s “mobile library.” That got me thinking, whileI don’t read near as much as I think I should, I’ve made it a priority to read good books. I believe that everyone can grow in their leadership capacity. One of the best ways, to grow is by reading good books.

Here are eight reasons why I think reading is one of the best ways to grow:

Gaining new perspective—Most of us see the world through the lens of where we were raised, our family, our co-workers, and a few friends. Reading opens us up to people who live in other times and places, who work in other industries, and who assume things to be true that we’ve never even considered.
Gaining access to experts—whether you’re a pastor, a manager, a teacher, an executive, a medical doctor, or a mom, there are people in your field that know more than you do (unless you’re Stephen Hawking, but he reads). Many of them write books. While it’s nearly impossible to spend time with experts, we can learn from what they’ve written. (In fact, if you ever get to meet a respected expert, read what they’ve written first, so you ask good questions.)
Stimulating your own thinking—I find that reading is a great way to stimulate my own thinking. Sometimes I even stop reading and jot down notes in my journal or on my computer. Reading pulls me out of my mental ruts.
Challenging bad thinking and habits—We all need feedback. We all have ideas that are not well-reasoned, or lack good information. We also have bad habits. Reading exposes us to a better way to think and live.
Confirming good thinking and habits—It’s encouraging to emerge from your own little world and find you actually know what you’re doing!
Improving your ability to think—The challenges to reading good books make it rewarding. Reading takes time, concentration, the ability to follow an argument or story for multiple pages (even multiple chapters in some cases!). These skills are the skills of thinking and reasoning.
Expanding your horizons—When I read The Search for God in Guinness, I couldn’t believe the number ways Arthur Guinness and his beer company served their employees over the years (increased wages, health care, healthy employee housing, paying half salary to the families of employees while they were away fighting WWII, and more!). It opened up for me brand new possibilities in business and ministry.
Asking good questions—Good answers begin with good questions. The best way to learn to ask good questions is by spending time with those who do. The best questions of human history are captured in good books. Reading them gives you access to those good questions and provides a model for good questions.

2014 is around the corner, challenge yourself to read a great novel and a good non-fiction book this coming year!

I’d love to hear from you—why do you read?

Give Yourself Permission

What Would You Tell Your 20-Year-Old Self?

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Stephen Leonard in 1997

I recently joined a gym and as part of the intake one of the guys asked me, “Stephen, what would you tell your 20-year-old self?” His question made me reflect on 20-year-old Stephen. “What would I want him know—in college, trying to figure out how he’ll live in the world?”

Then it came to me, “Take more risks. I would tell 20-year-old Stephen to take more risks.”

I think back on classes I thought about taking but didn’t. The semester in the U.K. that I always wanted to do, but “couldn’t ever afford.” The girl I wanted to date, but couldn’t risk being rejected. The job I wanted, for which I never applied.

Hockey player Wayne Gretzky said, “You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take.”

How often have you missed out on an opportunity in life, not because you failed, or lacked the skill, or got beat out by someone more qualified, but because you never tried? In my life that’s true more often than I would like to admit.

I don’t want to be laughed at. I don’t want to be criticized. I can tell you every objection to every risk I take. Whether big or small, there’s always a reason to hold back, play it safe, and avoid finding out what I’m really and truly capable of doing.

But I also know risk works. That’s how I met and married my wife. That’s how Lisa and I built our business to the point I could leave my day job. That’s how we help the people who stare understand David and respect people with special needs. That’s how I got fired from one job to get a much better one.

Here’s the thing about avoiding risk—it’s impossible. Safety is an illusion. Life is risky. People are killed in automobile accidents everyday. I know an athletic and otherwise healthy 22-year-old who suddenly died days before college graduation. I’ve seen people in the intensive care unit for heart problems caused by stress. I’ve seen leaders endure criticism, failure, and loss as a result of avoiding risky decisions that they believed in. I’ve spoken with people in their late 80’s who characterize their lives with regret because they avoided the risk of the path they really wanted to follow.

Yes, we need to be responsible in our risk. Start small. Write a blog. Take that trip you’ve always to take. Volunteer your time in a cause you care about. Invite those people for dinner you’ve been wanting to get to know.

If I were to give my 20-year-old self advice, that’s what I would tell him. Risk more. Risk in the little things to gain practice. Learn from failures in risk. And risk again.

I’d love to hear from you. What Would You Tell Your 20-Year-Old Self?