The Secret to Joy in the Christmas Season

Christmas is a time that seems to be a bundle of emotions—excitement, fear, expectation, loneliness, happiness, sadness—that happen all at the same time for many of us. In the midst of fighting traffic, running our business, shopping for gifts, preparing for guests, and all that goes into this crazy season, I want to take a moment and reflect on Christmas.

Holiday movies urge us to respond to this holiday a variety of ways. It’s about believing—in Santa, in the Christmas spirit, in belief itself (Buddy the Elf wouldn’t lead us astray, would he?), or for nostalgic longing—both for the perfect gift and recapturing childhood (A Christmas Story), having a loving community (How the Grinch Stole Christmas), avoiding stinginess to avoid punishment (A Christmas Carol) and miracles (Miracle on 34^th Street). Christmas is about love, sentiment, family and belief we’re told.

The Bible presents a different picture of Christmas in recounting the humble birth of The King in the midst of real life among real people. It’s easy to think of people in Bible stories as characters in…well a story…rather than as real people responding to the world and the events they experienced just like you and I do. But if we take a moment this season to notice how those first people responded to the first Christmas, it might provide us some ways to think about this Christmas. Luke 2:1-20 (you know, the passage Linus recites in A Charlie Brown Christmas) shows us three responses worth considering.

The people’s response – When the shepherds told people they met that they had seen the long awaited Savior, Messiah, they were amazed—Something big had happened, but they didn’t do anything differently. The people respond with indifference.

Mary’s response contrasts deeply with the crowd. Mary ponders and treasures her experience and all that had been told her. “You will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High.” Mary responds by embracing the news and taking time to consider the savior’s birth.

The shepherds’ response is to glorify God and to tell others what He has done. God has entered history to bring Salvation! The King has come—and that is good news for them and for you and for me. The shepherds’ respond by praising and talking about God.

The secret to joy in Christmas isn’t time with family, nostalgic memories, doing good deeds, miracles or even believing. It’s understanding that the Lord is come, the King, who rules the world in truth and grace, who puts an end to sins and sorrows and who “comes to make His blessings flow far as the curse is found.”

I want to be like Mary and take time to consider the miracle of the Savior’s birth. I want to be like the shepherds’ and praise God for changing history by sending his son.

How do you make room to consider and praise God in this season?

10 Ways to Live a Life Worth Living

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I recently turned 40 and have been taking stock of my life—where I’ve been, where I am, and where I want to go. It’s been both challenging and energizing. Maybe you can relate? To be honest, I’m in process, but thought I would share my current thoughts about ways to live a life worth living. Here’s my list:

Invest in the mundane. I tend to want to avoid things like doing dishes, changing diapers, taking out the trash, and helping to make dinner. But doing mundane tasks builds a character that’s other-focused and helpful.
Read more. I heard recently that the typical college grad doesn’t read after college. Bill Gates never graduated, but carries (and constantly reads) three bags of books with him as he travels! Which one is better?
Exercise regularly. I know everyone says this. But it’s true. Without being intentional, I sit in front of a computer all day long. I recently joined Gymnazo to be intentional about working out 3-4 times a week.
Invest in people. It’s easy to spend the day focused on getting tasks done. But I’ve noticed days where I make time to be with people and listen to them and hear their stories are better.
Eat well. I’m not a foody. I hate kale and kombucha. Still, I know that eating predominantly yellow—especially processed food (french fries, chips, cookies, pasta)—isn’t good for me. I need to eat foods that are green and blue and purple in much higher quantities than I prefer. So do you.
Share. I’ve noticed the people I regard most highly are those who share kindness, contacts and knowledge most freely (for more see Love is the Killer App by Tim Sanders).
Commit to growth. If you think you avoid challenges, you think effort is a waste of time, or you take criticism personally, then you’re a lot like me—and many others! We want to prove ourselves. Read Mindset and let Stanford professor Carol Dweck inspire you to grow.
Block out Sabbath time. We all need time to re-focus, rejuvenate, relax and re-energize. Schedule this time into your week. First.
Work smarter not harder. Working hard is good, not enough. You need a team to help you—whether at work, or at home, or in your personal life. Life is a team sport. There’s a reason Ecclesiastes says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!” (Eccl 4:9-10)
Change your story. As Americans we live by a story where we make ourselves the star of the show. Its true that we face challenges, but through the pursuit of our dreams we can finally create the kind of life we always wanted. The Bible tells a different story. It says Jesus is the star of the show. We rebelled against him, but he is pursuing us to create the kind of life we really need—one that surpasses the life we always wanted. And it will last forever. This story humbles me, but it frees me (and you!) to join Him in a life worth living.

Question: What would make your list of ways to live a life worth living? You can leave a comment below.

Hitting Roadblocks

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Ever find yourself trying to get momentum on a project only to be continually foiled by hitting roadblocks? I do. Lots of things can get in the way.

Fear

Procrastination

Laziness

Fear (of failure, of success, that there’s not enough money, that people will laugh)

Responsibilities

Distractions

Poor planning

Lack of skill

That voice that says you can’t do it

Did I mention fear yet?

I struggle with each of these demons. A recent issue for me is what I call bandwidth. I notice my ability to think shuts down long before my body does. When I was writing my dissertation it was difficult to do all the things I needed to do in the office. Right now, we’re in a busy season at the office. That makes it challenging to give myself to other parts of my life—family, my spiritual life, continued learning.

It’s a reminder to me of our limitations as human beings. I like having multiple irons in the fire and moving from one thing to another. I usually read multiple books simultaneously. I often have projects within my projects in each sphere of life I inhabit. The danger in all this is the potential failure to acknowledge the opportunity cost associated with taking on so much at one time. It’s obvious that time limits our ability to complete projects. We all know our skill, experience, education and talents affect what we can accomplish within a given time frame. What we often neglect to consider is the capacity of our bandwidth (you might call it your mental energy, ability to think, or other things) for a given type of task and overwhelm ourselves in one area. (I’ve heard that Winston Churchill liked to paint and do brickwork to relax and get a break from the meetings and reading and writing he did.)

I’m learning to re-prioritize my time such that I establish Sabbath time, priority time and response time each week. Honestly, this way of approaching my life is a new thing. But it’s revolutionary. I no longer feel guilty for taking the time I need to recharge and re-energize. I also don’t feel guilty for closing my door, turning off my email and working on the things that matter most—FIRST. Now, when I am in response-mode, I am free to give myself to others and their needs. This is new, but I’m excited and will keep you posted!

What do you do when you hit roadblocks?

I’m Not Righteous

Changing Diapers Matters

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I recently told Lisa, “Changing David’s diapers might be the most significant thing you do in a day.” Think about that for moment. A husband telling his wife that changing diapers might be the most significant thing she does with her time? It’s no wonder she recently helped me realize my burro-like personality! (read the story) To give this comment greater context, in case you don’t know about my wife Lisa Leonard, she is a well known and beloved blogger (my friends joke that I am “Mr. Lisa Leonard”), we run a company together—she does all the creative stuff that people actually like while I do the office stuff, she is a fantastic listener to whom people can pour out their hearts, she is a conference speaker, she’s been on TV and more. And I, the husband tell her the most significant thing she does is change diapers.

A little more context. David is ten. We’ve been changing his diapers for ten years. (When I say we, she does about 90% of it compared to my 10%.) I won’t compare how many diapers we’ve changed to others—everyone’s circumstances are different. Still, it’s about the most mundane, tiring thing we do in a week. If diaper days were over, we would throw a party. And I say to her, “Changing David’s diapers might be the most significant thing you do in a day.”

Here’s the thing. We look forward to the resurrection and the day when God will set the world to rights. I think on that day our son, free from Cornelia de Lange Syndrome, ten fingers and ten toes will look at his mom and say “Mom, thank you for taking care of me when I couldn’t take care of myself.” It is an act of sacrifice. It is an act that is for David. It is an act that dignifies his humanity. It is an act of love. While there are so many people Lisa touches in a day through her blog and our business, as significant as those encounters are, there is a qualitative difference.

And, while this is true of a mom helping her son with specials needs, it actually illustrates a bigger point. In a society driven by a search for significance, often measured by how large our influence is, or how big an income we have, or how high we attain on the success ladder, perhaps we need to rethink how we measure significance. It may just be that the most routine, dirty, unenviable tasks you and I do in a day are the very things in which we are making the largest difference in the world. It’s not sexy, it’s not glamorous, but it may just be true.

Makes me think I need to change more diapers! What do you do that’s routine, or unenviable that might just be more significant than you think?

I’m an Artist

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Matthias Drawing at a Pub in England

I am not an artist, our youngest son Matthias is. He will tell you readily. When a person meets him, it is the number one label he gives to himself. And who am I to argue? Wherever we go and whatever we’re doing, Matthias has a pad of paper and a pencil. He has spent hours drawing on tables at restaurants, in waiting rooms, in the UCLA cafeteria while we wait for his brother during doctor appointments, up in his bed at night, and just about anywhere else he can find to pull up and start drawing.

Matthias Drawing at Lunch

Last year for Mother’s Day, He decided to make a book for Lisa. Of course it would be a superhero book. (What else would mom want anyway?) To make it special he decided it would be a book of superheros with names beginning at A and going to Z. And, each chapter (yes, I said chapter) needed to have at least three superheros. In the end it was 52 solid pages of superhero awesomeness–not bad for an 8 year old kid! (I won’t mention how I thought it would be a good idea to bind it and make color copies for grandparents, aunts and uncles. I worked it out in my head and the cost seemed pretty reasonable. Until we picked it up. Let’s just say, it’s the most expensive Mother’s Day gift to date.) Of course, we were impressed that the first book out of the Leonard house came by the hand of our 8 year year old son.

Matthias Drawing at a Restaurant

Now, it goes without saying that I love this kid and am a proud dad. Am I bragging? A little bit. Do I want everyone to know what an awesome kid Matthias is? Yes. But that’s not why I share all this. I share it because Matthias is an artist and he pursues it with the abandon of a child. He’d love for everyone to love his art. But that’s not why he draws. He draws because he loves to draw. He loves to create. He doesn’t worry whether people will like his drawings. He doesn’t get hung up about what to draw. He just draws. It’s pure and it’s beautiful.

Matthias Drawing at Church

As I get ready to turn 40 this year, I find I have never been so willing to let expectations and perceptions shape my pursuits. But how much do I do these days because I love it? How often do I identify myself with the things I love to do? I’m a writer. I’m a speaker. I’m a preacher. I’m a singer. I’m a cyclist. Even worse, how often do I engage in these activities and find every square inch there is in which to fit these things into my life? Not enough. I’m on a journey to do just that. I want to be more like my son, who now 9, has multiple books and art projects in the works because it’s who he is. I want you to join me. What do you love that you put off for 100 excuses? Let’s share and encourage each other!

“That Sucks” Best. Words. Ever.

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David at Birth 07/04/2002

July 4th 2002 was one of the best and darkest days of my life. After months of eager anticipation, days of anxiety and hours of fear, Lisa and I welcomed our son David into the world.

Lisa went in for her 36 week pregnancy check up (I almost didn’t go as they had become so routine) and the doctor told us she was measuring small–for 31 weeks! Thus began the whirlwind.

Over the next couple days we sought answers, saw more doctors, were told his small size “could mean anything” by the ultrasound doc at the hospital. I asked what she meant. Her reply? “It could be nothing. He could have a genetic disorder. It could be fatal.” Confusion and panic set in as we checked Lisa into the hospital to induce labor and play the waiting game.

In these anxious hours dear friends began to encourage us that it would all be OK. People tried to cheer us up and take our minds off of things. “I have a feeling it’ll turn out alright.” “Don’t worry, we had a scare with our first pregnancy too.” “Doctors make a big deal out things. I’m sure it will be fine.” To this day I am thankful for those people who were in the thick of it with us. Even while some of their words have given me pause in the days and months and years since, Lisa and I felt loved and buoyed up by our church family and close friends who sat with us on the phone and who brought Lisa El Burrito Jr. in the hospital when she wasn’t supposed to get it.

I remember cheering Lisa on as she endured labor. Both of us afraid of what lay ahead.

“Push baby! We’re going to meet our son!” I called out to her while wondering inside if our baby would come out dead or alive.

I said, “You can do it Honey–just a little more and we get to meet our beautiful son!”

I thought, “You have to do it Honey–just a little more and we learn if our son is beautiful.”

Finally, on the afternoon of that 4th of July (Lisa favorite holiday coincidentally), little David burst forth at a whopping 4lbs 2 oz., seven fingers, ten toes notably missing the crying sounds we had heard from down the hall every few hours as new lives emerged into the world.

24 hours later we learned David’s diagnosis. Cornelia de Lange Syndrome. We had shuffled quickly back to Lisa’s room leaving our son in the N.I.C.U. while we poured out our hearts in grief, when a knock came on the door. For some unknown reason I opened the door to find Rick, one of our church elders, standing there. I didn’t know what to say, but he quickly realized he happened upon us at a bad moment and excused himself. As I began to shut the door I realized I needed to share our awful news with someone and chased after him down the hospital hallway. “Hey Rick. They just told us a couple minutes ago that David has a genetic disorder called Cornelia de Lange Syndrome.” And the next moment is burned into my memory. Rick’s face dropped. He staggered backward until his body found the wall behind him. He looked me in the eyes, compassion on his face and said “That sucks. Steve I’m so sorry.”

Now, I know you’re not supposed to say “sucks.” I know stories like this are supposed to have some moment of profound wisdom and a turning point where everything turns out alright in the end. But this is real life. Those words have been a balm to my soul from that day until this one. Rick’s words gave me freedom to see that Cornelia de Lange Syndrome ought not to be in the world. It’s a sign that something is gravely and pervasively wrong in the world. Rick gave me freedom to hurt and weep and and question God and eventually to pick up the pieces again and move forward.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve walked through many hard moments with a great number of people since those days. I’ve sat at bedsides of dying and dead loved ones as a pastor. I’ve cried with friends enduring divorce. I’ve been in the hospital with people in crisis and more. I can’t remember all my words today. I know my own temptation toward platitudes. I know my instinct to try and make it OK. Still, the best words anyone has ever said to me came at the darkest moment. “That sucks.” Best. Words. Ever.

What words has someone shared with you that spoke to your heart in a time of hurt or crisis?

I Apologize

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Actually, I apologize a lot. Chances are, if you’ve an email from me it began with something like, “I apologize it’s taken me so long to get back to you…” That’s because I’m a horrible friend and am terrible at getting back to people. (Maybe now is a good time to apologize to you if you are waiting to hear back from me as I write this.) To make matters worse, my wife Lisa told me recently that I’m not the nice guy I walk around thinking I am. Nope. I’m an expletive that rhymes with “gas bowl” and looks like the tail end of a burro. Don’t get the wrong idea–I asked for it. We were driving on a road trip (I don’t know about you, but our best conversations happen when we sit in the car next to each other for hours on end) and I was asking my dear wife for feedback about myself. Somewhere along the line I helpfully offered what a nice guy I am and how I let myself get pushed around. Her response? “I don’t know that I’d say you’re a ‘nice guy.’ You can be nice. You’re a good dad and I love you, but you’re kind of an…” well, you get the idea.

My self-absorbed burro like personality means I have plenty of opportunity to practice apologizing to people for a variety of reasons. It also means I listen to the apologies of others. I’m a bit of an apology connoisseur as it were. Here’s what I’ve noticed. When I say “I’m sorry” for something I’ve done, I almost never am. In fact, in our house “I’m sorry” almost means, “I’m sorry you brought up my ‘supposed offense’ now leave me alone!” (I actually did this to Lisa the other day when she called me on the carpet for a rude comment) And, I don’t think we’re the only ones who “apologize” in this way. I’ve heard it in the so-called apologies of friends, acquaintances and strangers. I’ve heard it among family members and co-workers. “I’m sorry” are two words we use as a society to quickly get people off our backs and to avoid the pain of responsibility and reconciliation.

What to do? I have found a profound difference between saying “I’m sorry” and speaking the words “I apologize.” (PLEASE tell me you never utter phrases like “I’m sorry you feel that way.” worst. apology. EVER.) Uttering the five-syllable, two-word phrase “I apologize” cuts through any attempt save face and helps us admit we are just plain wrong. For advanced users, I recommend adding what you apologize for–and be specific. It’s surprising how simple and difficult the switch can be in real life. It’s also surprising what a difference it makes to our relationships. Take it from one who has had plenty of opportunity to practice, next time conflict arises, see what happens by simply saying, “I apologize.”

How did it go last time you had to say “I apologize”?

Punching Fear in the Face

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As many of you know, I’ve been seeking direction for the next phase of life for a while now. Today, I decided to punch fear in the face and do something. Let me explain. Lisa recently brought home a pre-release version of Jon Acuff’s new book Start and in many ways the cover irked me so much (I mean check out the phrases “Punch Fear in the Face,” “Escape Average,” “Do Work that Matters” who IS this guy??) that I picked up the book and read it. The book is a reminder that the path to success has changed. Age doesn’t matter the way it did in the past. We all still pass through the phases of Learning, Editing, Mastering, Harvesting and Guiding and we might find ourselves learning at 60 or 40 or 30. His challenge is to “discover your awesome” whatever it is, whether it connects with a title or not, and START pursuing it.

This brings me to this post. Acuff challenges us to list our fears out–journal them so you can see them. Then to systematically write down what’s bogus about each and every one. I just filled three pages of my journal with fears that hold me back. Fears that prevent me from writing blog posts. Fears that keep me complaining about my life rather than pursuing my life. By the time my hand was too tired to keep writing, I was inspired to dust off this blog site and share. If you relate, read this book. If you don’t…well, I don’t totally believe you. If you relate but have already started and keep punching fear in the face in your own way–I’d love to hear your story! Maybe we can journey together and cheer each other on in doing work that matters. Either way, I’m starting.

Give, Don’t Spend–Really?

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As a pastor I have often spoken out against the ways we Christians use our money to purchase things we want from $4 coffee at Starbucks to the kind of cars we drive to the houses we live in. Since entering the business world and watching the economy suffer around the world, I’ve been forced to ask some questions. After all, if no one purchased our product, a group of people would be unable to pay rent, buy groceries, have medical insurance, or even give to Christian ministries.

As a pastor I have condemned spending money on our houses, while praying for out of work contractors and carpenters. I have applauded Christian missions efforts in India, Thailand and Kazahkstan that employ local people for their good and in the name of Christ, while judging myself and those around me about our materialism.

As a business owner, I constantly watch the bottom line to measure what we can do financially for our employees. Our company takes seriously our role in mentoring our employees beyond their contribution to our production. We are pursuing every opportunity to leverage resources for the Kingdom. All made possible one purchase at a time by our loyal customers in our community.

As a pastor and business leader, my question is, if people don’t spend, where does the money come from to give?

Check out this article called “Fight the Starbucks Coffee Purchase Guilt” that asks the questions better than I can. I commend it to you for your thoughts!